


Deprivation

by SETI_fan



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: And Percy's captivity, Brief mention of Percy's family's fate, Darkness, Early days of Vox Machina, Friendship, Gen, pre-stream, traumatic flashback
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-28 00:42:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16713241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SETI_fan/pseuds/SETI_fan
Summary: When only one member of your party doesn't have Darkvision, it's easy to forget to provide a light source. When that party member has a traumatic history...well, that can be more than a mere inconvenience to them.





	Deprivation

**Author's Note:**

> I remember someone on Tumblr (I'm sorry, I forgot who!) saying they wanted to read stories about Percy being the only member of Vox Machina without Darkvision and what an act of trust it is every time he follows them into dark places. I'm not sure if anyone else has answered that call already, but the idea stuck in my head and wouldn't let go, so here we are.
> 
> (Also, I forgot until I'd already written this that Dragonborns don't have Darkvision either, but I still liked how this worked, so I'm just going to fudge that lol.)

Percy had to admit, his life had certain gotten more interesting since throwing in with this adventuring party. Just weeks ago he had been making saddles at his most recent employment while working on his pet project on the side, the latest in a string of menial jobs since…well, _since_. Then he had gotten word of Ripley’s location and the possibility of revenge had stirred him from his exile like waking from a stupor. Which he supposed was more reality than metaphor. His attempt had not worked out the way he had planned, but fortunately this crew of intriguing characters had stumbled across him before starvation reached him first.

Their life was immensely more colorful than the mundanity he had been sleepwalking through for the last few years. Just since joining with them a little over a month ago, Percy had ventured through the Frostweald’s eternally frozen forests, fought basilisks, proved his pepperbox to be a valuable weapon for means beyond revenge, seen a nymph straight out of the Feywild stories of his childhood, and witnessed a ritual to remove a Lich’s phylactery from the Goliath barbarian’s chest. Whatever became of this partnership, it certainly promised not to be boring.

But joining up with the group meant taking on its obligations as well. Apparently there was some debt the party had reneged on before meeting Percy and they were in no position to repay it in full. The sneering elven man who had come to negotiate the terms of their debt bristled an old, familiar indignance in Percy, proving to him his noble heritage had not been beaten out of him completely. Rolling out his full name and its implied lineage to the elf had given him a spark of pride and satisfaction, even if the man didn’t seem to know its significance. (The rest of the party’s bafflement was just another amusing perk of the moment.)

Regardless, they managed to make a deal: take on a new contract, retrieving a source of arcane power from a tomb in the Shade Barrow, an ancient burial mound of druidic origin. Percy had to admit a little bit of a thrill over the prospect. He had read a bit about such ancient sites and while removing magical items from graves usually came with…assorted problems, this group seemed reasonably well-equipped to handle it. Plus they had a druid themselves, which was bound to be an advantage in this scenario.

The Barrow didn’t look like much from the surface: a raised, treeless hill in the middle of an otherwise wooded forest. Somehow he had expected…something of note. Not a magical glow, per se, but perhaps ancient glyphs carved across it, a population of crows or other symbols of death, maybe a few skeletons or other grisly remains. But, he supposed, the true nature of it would lie beneath.

They located the entrance and Vax quickly picked the locked gate that had been put across its opening, shrouded in an overgrowth of plant material that Keyleth was examining with great interest.

As they began funneling in, even Vex’s bear companion, Percy paused. There were no light sources in this ancient tunnel and while the sunlight from the doorway cast at least some sense of shadow and form in this entryway, the path beyond vanished very quickly into pitch darkness. And yet not one of others was lighting a torch or summoning magic.

A thought struck him with sudden stomach-tightening realization. He did a quick mental count: three half-elves, a Goliath, two gnomes, and a Dragonborn. And one human. Without Darkvision. 

Oh.

“We don’t know what might be living down here,” Vax’s voice came from one of the shadowy forms ahead, “so let’s all try to do this as stealthily as we can, yeah?”

“Right,” Keyleth whispered.

“No problem. I am extremely stealthy,” Grog said with the confidence that came with a fundamental lack of self-awareness.

Percy felt his breathing threatening to speed up. Stealthy. Down here, a light source would destroy that effort immediately. Which meant proceeding in darkness. Which would only, apparently, be a problem for him.

He should have spoken up, he knew he should have, but they were already moving forward and whether it was pride or fear, Percy found he couldn’t bring himself to call attention to his uselessness. Instead, he took a deep breath, steeled himself, and followed the others down the tunnel.

Within five steps, his world was solid black. There wasn’t even a hint of light to give him a sense of motion or his surroundings. If he focused, despite their attempts at stealth, he could still pick up the occasional shuffle or clink of something metal on the others’ gear that let him know he was not alone, but that was it. He couldn’t have made a sincere guess who was where other than that he was at the back of the group since he knew he had entered the tunnel last and no one bumped into him when his steps became slower and more hesitant.

At first, he thought he might do all right. He kept his left hand on the wall of the tunnel, his right resting on his pepperbox, although he knew that was going to be practically worthless if he couldn’t see to aim it. He followed the shuffling and occasional huffs he recognized as Trinket, grateful the group was moving slowly since he had to devote so much of his attention to simply locating the floor for each step forward without falling down.

But then they must have passed through a doorway into a bigger chamber because he felt the wall curve away under his hand and then nothing past it. A visceral terror lurched through his chest as he was suddenly cast adrift in a void of darkness without even the meager orientation of the wall at his side to anchor him. His breath began to rasp in his lungs, but he stifled it, desperately hoping not to attract the attention of anything that might be in this room besides his party. He held his breath for a moment so he could listen and picked up the shuffling movements of the others again. The idea of being left behind in this darkness was far more terrifying than progressing forward, so he forced himself to step out into the expanse of nothingness.

He made it a few steps without issue. Better than he had initially feared. Then his foot contacted something unstable—a rock? A bone?—and his ankle gave. His heart stopped as he was suddenly stumbling forward without any sense but gravity. His hand shot out instinctively to find something to catch himself and contacted something solid and covered with fur. His fall was halted, but he froze, heart now racing in his chest, as he desperately prayed it was Trinket and not something that had been stalking them.

Muscle tensed beneath the furred surface at his impact and Percy reflexively closed his eyes against whatever might be about to strike, not that it changed anything.

There was a whuffling sound near his face and then he got a whiff of breath that smelled warmly of meat with a hint of chocolate. Percy’s hand melted in relief against what he now knew with certainty was Trinket’s flank.

“Sorry,” he breathed, hopefully just loud enough for the bear to hear.

He felt the cold nose nudge against his face, something that would have been pants-wettingly terrifying a moment before, but was profoundly reassuring now. Then the nose disappeared and he felt the fur move out from under his fingers.

With at least some sense of direction again, Percy started his slow progress forward, now testing more carefully where he put his feet. After two steps, his hand bumped into the furry surface again. He started to pull it back when he felt the surface move more slowly this time, lingering under his fingers.

No, he was reading too much into this…

Experimentally, Percy threaded his fingers into the long fur, getting a gentle grip without pulling on the hair. Trinket stepped forward again and Percy followed. Trinket continued slowly, pausing between steps until Percy was certain the bear was doing this intentionally to make sure he was staying in contact. His heart swelled with amazement and a touch of moved affection. He gave Trinket a little scratch where his hand rested and made a note never to underestimate the animal’s intelligence again.

With that anchor to reality, Percy was able to move a bit more easily. He still had no sense of where the floor was or what was around him or anything other than Trinket’s presence, but at least he had a sense of direction and knew he was staying with the group.

After an indeterminate amount of time, Trinket stopped suddenly. Percy froze. He trained his ear for any hint of noise, but none of the others spoke and there was nothing around him to give him a clue what caused this change.

The silence extended for more than a minute without Trinket moving forward. Then he felt a shift and Trinket’s fur moved _down_ , shifting out of his grip and disappearing again. His mind raced. Had Trinket just sat down, thinking Percy didn’t need his guidance while they were staying still? Or had something taken the bear out that quickly and silently? He clenched his pepperbox and stayed perfectly still, trying to pick up any tiny indication as to what was happening around him.

There were no shuffles or clinks of noise from the party to assure him of their presence. The air around him was stagnant, redolent with the dense earthy smell of soil and that musky tinge that seemed to permeate the deep woods. Nothing was in reach of his free hand. He had no idea if they were in another large room or if he was just positioned away from any nearby walls. He had no awareness of their environment at all.

Time stretched on without change and the sensory deprivation was sending fear creeping up his spine. Something should have happened by now. If the coast was clear, they would have proceeded onward. They were waiting for something. Or...

Fear gripped his heart. He knew magic existed that could create areas of Silence. If such a spell was in effect, how would he tell? The others could be battling a monster, even dying right next to him and he would never know, blind and helpless in a sea of neverending darkness. He could die without ever knowing something was about to strike. Or worse, be the only one left alive, unaware, alone, lost without a hope of finding his way out even if he realized what had happened.

_Dark. Cold. The stone floor wet from melted snow seeping in. The air heavy and barely breathable with the smell of blood. Julius’ blood. His parents’ blood. He couldn’t bring himself to look further to confirm the others’ identities. The bodies piled where they were left, found by the rats he had lost the energy to keep scaring off. The cold of the cell seeping into his bones, warmed only by the pain of his most recent injuries. Waiting. No longer calling for help because the only ones who would hear were those whose attention he dreaded. Left. Alone. Hunger gnawing with the nausea in his guts. Forgotten. Buried with his family, yet still alive, still horribly alive, and alone…_

Percy ripped his mind back to the present, his heart pounding in his ears as his hand shook around the pepperbox’s stock. He clenched his fingers ruthlessly, gritting his teeth as he forced the panic back where it belonged. This wasn’t helping, damn it! He focused on the weight and feel of the gun in his hand, taking comfort in its familiarity and power, even if it would do little good in this blasted darkness.

_Like me._

Almost unconsciously, Percy took out has mask and pulled it over his face. Immediately, the pressure of the leather against his skin and the smell of the herbs he had tucked into it began to calm his mind. He breathed deeper, taking advantage of the slight extra difficulty it took to draw air through the mask as it forced him to slow down. For a moment, his world focused down to this small, tactile bubble of sensation, something that at least he could control no matter what else happened around him.

As his heartrate started returning to normal, a shuffle nearby confirmed he indeed was not alone and at least a few of his companions were alive and moving.

“Okay, the left branch is caved in completely,” Vax’s hushed voice came from the darkness ahead like reality reasserting itself on the void. “The right one—Fuck!”

Fear lit through Percy again, his gun jerking up instinctively as he tried to figure out what had just attacked Vax.

A hand grabbed his gun arm, trying to restrain it. He yelped, nearly firing if he hadn’t just as quickly heard another familiar voice from the hand’s likely origin.

“Whoa! Easy, Jumpy!” Keyleth hissed, guiding his arm firmly back down as Percy stilled himself.

“Sorry,” Vax’s voice said. “I didn’t know Percy had his mask on. Gave me a heart attack.”

“Why _are_ you wearing that?” Scanlan asked from somewhere low to Percy’s left. “It’s already hard enough to see in here without all that…” He trailed off, probably using some kind of gesture to indicate the mask.

“Yes, well, doesn’t make much difference for me,” Percy muttered, pulling the mask up on his head so he could whisper more clearly. He hoped the gnome didn’t notice he chose not to directly answer the question.

“Anyway,” Vax continued, “the right tunnel does lead down further, but there’s a hive of some kind of nasty fuckers nesting in there. I couldn’t get a good look, but I think it’s going to be a bit of a problem.”

“So what I’m hearing is rush in, making as much noise as possible,” Scanlan said.

“Right! I’m in!” Grog enthused.

Percy heard Tiberius sigh deeply.

“ _Or_ ,” Vex said sternly, “we _don’t_ do that and scope it out quietly so we know what we’re fighting before they all just swarm and kill us.”

“Or that,” Grog said, sounding like a disappointed child.

“If it makes you feel better, when that plan gets fucked up, you can just run in and chop through a bunch of them,” Pike reassured him.

“Okay, I like that too,” Grog perked up, grin written in his voice.

“I was thinking the sneakier of us maybe go in first, get a sense of how many there are and maybe draw a few over to the far end of the tunnel. Split ‘em up,” Vax suggested. “Then when that goes tits up we have the louder ones run in and just see how it goes.”

“That works for me,” Tiberius agreed. “Perhaps Percival and I can cover from further back and try to pick them off before they get too close.”

Percy grimaced internally. He hadn’t really figured out what he was going to do once it came down to combat, but he had sort of hoped his limitations wouldn’t be revealed quite so publicly. “I’m not so sure you want me there.”

“Oh. I mean, you’re welcome to get in the fray with us, but I know you tend to like a bit of distance from the fight,” Vax said.

“I do.” _Now more than ever._ “I just…know my weapons make rather a lot of noise.”

“So does a raging Goliath,” Scanlan pointed out. “Once we’re at that point I think the stealth idea is pretty well fucked anyway.”

“I’m gonna make them really noisy,” Grog agreed.

“What’s with you today, Percy?” Keyleth asked, still next to him. Her hand was no longer as restraining on his arm, but she hadn’t let go either and he wasn’t pulling away, secretly grateful for the anchor. “You’re really skittish.”

“It’s nothing,” he assured her.

“Really? ‘Cause you almost shot Vax a minute ago. And you had your mask on, which you don’t usually wear…”

“I’m fine, really. I just—”

“Percy.”

“Hm?” He turned toward Vex’s voice wearily, hoping he was looking directly at her as he intended.

There was no sound for a moment and the fear warred briefly with confusion. He was about to ask what was going on when he felt a vague sense of motion near his face. He blinked, bringing his free hand up to investigate and encountered what a brief feel-around revealed to be a slender hand. (Vex’s?)

A hand he realized had likely been waving in front of his face.

“Shit,” Vex breathed. “You can’t see anything, can you?”

Fuck. Embarrassment crept up his neck, but he tried for a note of blasé humor instead. “I can see a rather impressive amount of impenetrable darkness.”

“But you wear glasses,” Grog said, sounding puzzled.

Percy huffed a slight chuckle. “My glasses help me see in the daylight. I’m afraid they don’t give me Darkvision.”

“Oh. Maybe you should have made them better then.”

“I will keep that in mind for the future.”

“Wait, so how long have you been following us blindly?” Keyleth asked.

_Since the day I met you._ “Pretty much since we entered the mound.”

He didn’t need to be able to see to have a pretty good idea of the incredulous looks on their faces.

“Why the fuck didn’t you say something?!” Vax hissed.

_Because I’ve only just become part of the group and didn’t want you to decide I’m not worth the trouble yet._ “Well, we were trying to be stealthy and torches do have a tendency to ruin that in the dark.”

“So does a person falling and cracking their head open because they couldn’t see!” Keyleth snapped.

“Trinket was kind enough to let me brace against him so I was able to do all right, if I do say so,” Percy retorted a bit defensively. “And in my defense, I think I could die pretty quietly if need be.”

He didn’t know who smacked him upside the head, but he couldn’t begrudge them. “That’s fair.”

Vax sighed. “All right, who’s got a torch or a Light spell?”

“I do!” Tiberius said.

And immediately Percy’s eyes were blasted with searing light. He flinched away with a curse as he clenched his eyes shut against the pain.

“Tiberius! I think that’s a bit of overkill!” Vex said.

“Oh. Sorry.”

The world past his eyelids went dark again.

“I can do a little flame cantrip.” Percy became aware of a fainter glow beside him. “Will that work?” Keyleth asked.

“When the green and purple spots go away, I’m sure it will be lovely,” Percy said, pressing his eyelids as the afterimage drifted across.

“Very well done, Tibs. So now instead of just having no Darkvision, you’ve _actually_ blinded the guy who relies on a gun,” Scanlan commented.

“I’m sure if there’s been any serious damage, Pike can heal him. Can’t you, Pike?”

“That won’t be necessary. I’m fine.” Percy decided the pain and afterimages had receded enough to risk opening his eyes again and cautiously blinked them open.

Even knowing it was coming, the change took him aback for a moment. His world, which had previously been empty and dark, was now filled with light and companions. The soft yellow flicker from the little flame in Keyleth’s palm cast a homey warmth into the cold room, illuminating walls, floor, diverging tunnels ahead, and, most importantly, the rest of his party. All right there, closer than he had imagined them, watching him with expressions of expectation or concern. He hated to admit how much the tension in his chest unfolded just with that simple change.

As he focused, he saw Vex’s eyes following his, a smile breaking across her face as his gaze connected with hers. “That’s better.”

“Much,” he agreed with a sigh. “Thank you.”

“I would’ve done it sooner if you’d just _asked_ ,” Keyleth pointed out, nudging him with the hand that now held his arm supportively rather than restrainingly.

“That’s fair as well,” Percy agreed, scratching the back of his neck.

“In _all_ fairness, none of _us_ remembered to ask either,” Vax said diplomatically. “Sorry, Percival. It’s been a long time since we traveled with a human.”

“And now we know why,” Scanlan quipped.

“I _can_ see you now, you know.” Percy glared at him.

“All right, can we go kill some monsters now?” Grog asked, shifting restlessly, again like a child who could barely restrain himself much longer.

“Gladly. Unless anyone else has something we should know that might be a problem in a fight?” Vax asked.

“Well, Vex does have an actual bear with her,” Scanlan said.

“Hey! Trinket was already very helpful keeping Percy safe, weren’t you, buddy?” she cooed, rubbing the bear’s cheeks. Trinket rumbled with something Percy interpreted as pleased pride.

“Still, for stealth’s sake, what do you say he continues staying near Percy?” Vax suggested.

“You sneaky people go ahead,” Keyleth agreed. “We’ll stay back until you signal you’re ready for us.”

“What signal should we listen for?” Tiberius asked.

“Screaming and weapons-fire has always worked so far,” Vax replied, already starting down the tunnel.

The others began following along, settling out into their positions relative to the light source.

A touch at his leg made Percy startle slightly, but he looked down to see Pike standing at his side, hand resting on his thigh as she caught his eyes.

“If you ever need something, please don’t be afraid to ask. I’m too short for most of the way this world is built, but none of the others have ever given me a hard time for needing a hand sometimes. There’s no shame in it.”

Somehow Pike could say things that should be patronizing, yet imbue them with a sincerity that made him actually take the sentiments as intended. Maybe that’s what made her such a fitting cleric for this group.

“Thank you. I’ll try to remember that.”

“And I’ll try to remember the light so you don’t have to ask,” Keyleth said with a little apologetic smile, squeezing his elbow.

He brought his free hand up to rest on hers. “Thank you too.”

Pike smiled and patted his leg before moving ahead with Grog. Percy felt a little flicker of anxiety as he watched the others disappearing out of the range of the fire’s light, swallowed by the darkness ahead. But Keyleth was at his side, warm glow in hand, and he could actually see within their small bubble of existence, a small anchor of reality that made the void beyond less unsettling. He was far from alone.

Arm in arm with Keyleth, he followed his friends.

OOO

They didn’t always remember. All too frequently their adventures took them into places where Percy’s vision was useless, but as time went on the panic attacks became less common. Admittedly this was probably in part because there were far worse things to be afraid of assailing them, but he also became more comfortable in the knowledge that his friends—his family—were always right there around him, reliable as the gun in his hand and nearly as dangerous.

They didn’t leave him when the ghosts of his past threatened to consume his world in darkness again. Or when black smoke nearly obscured his vision of anything except blood-soaked revenge. Each time, someone reached out and offered him a hand and a light to follow until he got back on the right path again. Even the times he gave them every reason to leave him there and carry on without the extra burden.

Whether it was genuine affection or simply a practical consideration of his value in combat, they continued to decide he was worth accommodating, and he took the kindness seriously. He wasn’t sure he would ever be as good a person as they seemed to think he was, but he intended to return the favor with whatever his ingenuity, cleverness, or ruthlessness could provide. And anytime he couldn’t see his way through the darkness, he knew they would see him through to the other side, or at least brighten his world enough to push the fear back for another day.


End file.
